Autism + Abortion = Compassion (WHAT?!)
19 06 2008I had a conversation just a few minutes ago with someone that really really upset me. This person told me in not so many words that if they had a child that they knew has Aspergers Syndrome (which is part of the Autism Spectrum) they would seriously consider aborting it - and on top of that they call that compassionate! Read more to view the transcript:
[23:53] Them: have there been higher rates of autism and aspergers occuring/being diagosed in america in the past few years?
[23:54] Me: yes
[23:54] Me: but that has nothing to do with them calling autistic people a disaster of epedemic proporations
[23:55] Me: thats just like saying your a disaster because of your seizures
[23:55] Them: no.
[23:55] Them: listen
[23:55] Them: so there have been noticibly increased rates
[23:55] Them: if there were a sudden outbreak of bird flu, unlike any other recorded in history
[23:55] Them: would you consider it an epidemic?
[23:55] Me: the flu is a contangen that is harmful to life
[23:55] Me: Autism is not
[23:56] Me: if you go by that standard then red heads are an epedemic
[23:56] Me: as well as brown haired people
[23:57] Them: no
[23:57] Them: because there have been the same amount of those colored hair people throughout history.
[23:57] Them: we can take another genetic disease, i dont care.
[23:57] Them: cerebal palsy
[23:58] Them: if suddently the percentage of children born with cerebal palsy shot through the roof
[23:58] Me: Autism is not a disease
[23:58] Them: it would be called an epidemic
[23:58] Them: fine. condition.
[23:58] Me: but your nitpicking on the word epedemic
[23:58] Me: which is beyond the point, but I enjoy a good debate
[23:59] Them: i’m just trying to point out to you that its not insulting to call something an epidemic
[23:59] Me: it is insulting to call it a disaster
[00:00] Them: do you not think that millions of people going through a severe brain disorder is not a disaster?
[00:00] Them: it’s certainly something awful for the people involved, parents, families, etc.
[00:01] Me: well if Autism Speaks has there way if I was born a few years down the road my mother would be encouraged to abort me
[00:01] Me: they have already nailed part of the spectrum on that
[00:02] Them: would you really want to bring a child into this life who would have to live with autism?
[00:02] Them: knowing what you know now
[00:02] Them: if you had the choice to spare someone a difficult life, would you?
[00:03] Me: No, I would not abort a child because I knew they would be autistic
[00:03] Them: would you abort a child if you knew they were going to be severely physically deformed?
[00:04] Them: sickly for their whole life?
[00:04] Me: No
[00:04] Me: But you are comparing apples and oragnes
[00:04] Them: not at all
[00:04] Me: Autistic people are not sickly there whole life
[00:04] Them: look
[00:04] Them: autism/aspergers no DOUBT causes some distress
[00:05] Them: if not a lot of discomfort, problems, upset
[00:05] Them: if people are morally okay with aborting a child to prevent a life of discomfort, pain, upset
[00:05] Them: that’s likely the reasoning behind it
[00:07] Me: So if you were going to have a kid on the Autism Spectrum - would you abort it?
[00:07] Them: i dont know
[00:07] Them: depends
[00:08] Me: on what does it depend?
[00:09] Them: how far along my pregnancy is, how the father feels, etc
[00:10] Me: so you view me as a lesser life form then you?
[00:10] Them: yes. thats precisely what i’m saying.
[00:11] Me: what makes me a lesser life form then you?
[00:11] Them: i was being sarcastic.
[00:12] Me: then I’m still waiting for an answer
[00:13] Them: no! God, of COURSE not. how can you even think that?
[00:13] Them: if i really thought that, would i even engage in conversation with you?
[00:14] Me: then I hate to be harsh, but you just said that if you were pregnant with a child and you knew it was on the Autism Spectrum you would seriously consider aborting it
[00:14] Them: BECAUSE I WOULD BE COMPASSIONATE
[00:14] Them: jesus christ, zach!
[00:14] Them: i just went over the fact that i would if my child had cerebal palsy
[00:14] Them: to AVOID the pain and discomfort.
[00:15] Them: to spare a life of hardship
[00:15] Me: so you would consider aborting someone like me?
[00:15] Them: i’m not having this conversation anymore.
I have to say that I am completley torn up to pieces by this person.
UGH. That person makes me ill!! I hate the idea that we should be able to cherry-pick the life we get. My son is almost 5. He’s autistic. He’s funny, sweet, caring, affectionate, so much fun - and I cannot imagine this world without him in it. Does he have hardships? Fo sho. But who doesn’t? What next? Aborting babies that have a predispostion to becoming fat? After all, fat people have a life of hardship too, right? Aborting kids that may be gay? Gays have a life of hardship too, right? We all have stuff to deal with in life. Put on your big girl panties, get creative, and DEAL with it.
I hate to be harsh, but if this were a friend of mine, the friendship would have ended with that conversation.
Zach,
The way I see it, Aspergers is increasing because it’s less harmful and more useful to society. By not_aborting by “saving” and by assisting aspergers children we’re technically affecting the laws of evolution. You could almost say we’re “weakening the species”
…. except….
Does a lion affect evolution when it eats a smaller animal? Yes, It’s affecting evolution because it is a part of evolution, the laws evolution are in constant motion, always striving for ecological balance and “survival of the fittest”. In the same way, assisting aspies to become social enough to reproduce isn’t “breaking evolution” it’s us being a part of evolution.
The world has changed considerably so that the conditions are more favorable to aspies. Certainly aspies operate more effectively than their NT counterparts in the non-nuclear family and in the connected online communities required for today’s living and working environments.
It is quite disturbing to hear another’s true thoughts about aborting in the name of “compassion”. It sounds strangely familiar to some societies from the past that have tried to eliminate a portion of society according to their own measure of “compassion”.
We are of the human race and we have morals not based on performance but endowed worth. Autism is not an accident or epidemic, quite the contrary. It has existed throughout history, even before vaccination were invented, helping our world to survive. Remove autistic humans from existance and see how quickly our development as a species comes to halt.
We are led to believe social behavior is necessary to survival and quality of life when in fact we often see it is not true. If there is a mass casuality with 100 children bleeding to death I would choose the autistic doctor over the “social” one. Autistic life has the unique ability to assess a problem, come up with a logical solution and fix the problem with out pain producing post-tramadic stress disorders. Would a social-emotional person be able to remain calm and treat the young patients?
Autistic people think differently and that is a really good thing. Do we really want a society of people all thinking in the exact same way? How would we ever be able to adapt, invent, and care for one another. It’s time for the world to hear the blessings of autism instead of the negative drama played continously in the main stream media.
Autism is hard and exhausting but it has also made me a more patient and compassionate person. My son has taught me delayed gratification. He sees things I miss because I’m not focused. Animals are immediately comfortable with him. They share the same senses. My husband goes to work everyday faithfully even though it’s stressful to be around people. He finds solutions to problems while everyone else is at a loss. The benefits of autism are endless if we as a society would just stop long enough to notice. It is not always comfortable to be around bodies that act in strange ways but do we disregard their minds and hearts because of the system it’s living in. What makes us human or compassinate anyways? Who made “the norm” qualified to judge what joy, happiness and quality of life is.
As our down syndrome population is decreasing and will be extinct one day so will go the autistic population if people do not take a stand against the “heartless”.
By the way if you don’t want an autistic baby, child, brother, sister, mother or father I know someone who does, please send them to my door!
My daughter is 13 and has autism–not Asperger’s, autism. She was an absolute delight until she turned 3, at which point she stopped talking, stopped looking at anyone, stopped learning to use the bathroom. She needs help dressing, bathing, and toileting (we change her diapers), and I don’t remember the last time she (or either of us) slept through the night. She is violent towards everyone in the family, and in her special ed classroom, when she doesn’t get her way–two months ago, after an evening of playing sweetly and cooperatively with her older brother, she gave him a black eye and a scratch deep enough to require stitches.
Did I mention she doesn’t sleep at night and requires constant care? Despite therapy, despite numerous doctor visits, despite playgroups and an awesome therapist and everything we were supposed to do, my husband had to leave a job he loved–his one respite from a chaotic home life–and stay home with her. He became resentful; he got cabin fever. We went bankrupt; we sold our house and moved to an apartment since we couldn’t pay the bills even with my six-figure job. We divorced when she was ten. Our wonderful son is patient and kind, but she has become so violent towards him that when she stays with me, he stays with is dad, and vice-versa. The divorce was probably the most painful event in a decade of many, but I am glad that my son now always has somewhere he can be safe and get one-on-one attention, an impossibility with his sister sharing a household.
I love my daughter, or rather, I love the baby and toddler she used to be, and the occasional glimmers of personality that emerge between the temper tantrums and the near-constant retreats into her own mind. And through my many friendships with other families with kids who have autism, I know that this is an extreme situation, and that many autistic kids–certainly kids with Asperger’s–do much better. But I also know that lack of sleep, giving up activities beyond what is normal for having a child, and neglected siblings are often the norm for families with an autistic kid. Nonetheless, having her is now my great regret in life, although nothing could really have been done. She has taught me patience and compassion, but the price truly is not worth it. If I had known that as a result of having a second child my life would have ended up like this–broke, heartsick, unable to adequately care for my neuro-typical child, overextended, exhausted, resentful–I would have had an abortion in a heartbeat. Believe me that it hurts into the marrow of my bones to say this, but everyone’s life would have been better without my daughter in it. That is why, as a parent of an autistic girl, I am NOT against prenatal testing for autism, but ONLY if it can differentiate between Asperger’s and autism, and ONLY if it has some predictive power for the severity of the condition. I’ve spent the past three years on anti-depressants; I don’t have friends except other parents of autistic kids. There are no family vacations (as if we had the money!), few restaurant trips, no free time. I haven’t finished a book or even a movie in years. No one should have to live like this, and if the parents are the ones raising the child, then by god, they should have a say in what kind of child they are or are not going to raise.