So this morning I met with Bethany Christian Services, the adoption agency that is handling Julia’s adoption. I’m utterly disgusted with their behavior. They continue to discriminate against me due to the fact I have Aspergers and have even told me that’s the reason, but refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. They say they need to investigate the reason my input was not sought on adoption decisions regarding my daughter, when they already told me on the phone that they thought I could not handle it because I have Aspergers.
They want pictures of Katelyn and I, me to write a letter to the adoptive family, and to my daughter when I already have been told I will not meet with the adoptive family or see my daughter. I’m beyond pissed. Right after I walked out of the meeting I told my case manager he no longer has permission to talk to them. The way I see it, when they want to quit playing stupid games, accept responsibility for their actions, and act in the best interest of my daughter they can contact me. Until then, I dont have the time nor patience to play games with them.
So I’m stuck right now with having to things in the best interest of my daughter, provide medical information, pictures of Kate and I, write letters, and all that Jazz when I’m so upset at the adoption agency I could scream. I’m having to separate my anger between Kate and the adoption agency from whats best for my daughter and its challenging to do.
I also don’t know how I’m going to write this letter to my daughter, I don’t know what I should say, and how to say what I’m feeling. I do want her to know she is loved, and not abandoned. I also don’t want to be negative about Katelyn in the letter either so I’m really praying on what to say and how to say it. I decided I’m going to make the letter to my daughter and the pictures I send open as a blog post as well so Katelyn and her family can see it as well as I think they would be interested.
So please keep me in your prayers, and give me some advice. How should I write this letter?
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Wished I could help you but… Have faith!
Zach, you need to seek FAMILY LEGAL assistance. I’m not sure who you’d need to talk to but someone might know.
I noticed that the Law Guru has answered Asperger questions before;
http://www.lawguru.com/legal-questions/illinois-education-law/withdraw-year-aspergers-son-public-343007391/
Maybe give that a try.
Failing that, there are some lawyers about who actually HAVE aspergers. They may be able to make a case for you – I’m just not sure that they’re into family law.
From my reading in the last year, it seems par for the course for Bethany Christian Service, around the US, to deny/not take responsibility.
Pound Pup Legacy may help you.
I hope you write a great letter to Julia.
“Failing that, there are some lawyers about who actually HAVE aspergers. They may be able to make a case for you – I’m just not sure that they’re into family law.”
How many lawyers who actually have Asperger’s are into advocating for other people in family law courts? How many lawyers who actually have Asperger’s prefer some of the other ways to be a lawyer that don’t require so many communication and people skills (I know a lawyer who’s proud to “not care what other people think!!!” and he wants to be a legal adviser to an engineering company instead of arguing any cases in court).
That is outrageous.
I haven’t read much of your personal blog and so don’t know the whole story, just read this post but that is incredibly outrages. Asperger’s syndrome (which I have) does not equate with inability to make decisions! Grrr…
However, as a former (widowed) wife of an adopted man, I think it’s AWESOME that you do have that opportunity at least to write your daughter a letter. He always knew his mother gave him up for adoption because of his birth defect (she was an unwed, teen mother) and that she couldn’t afford his surgeries for correcting that since she didn’t have insurance. That’s all he knew about the circumstances but it was enough for him he said to feel not *abandoned.* The other part was his mom, Carol, who told him this about being adopted, “Other parents get stuck with the kid they give birth to. *I* chose you out of all the other children in this world, just special for me and Dad because I loved you and wanted you that much over any other.” Which kept him from feeling unwanted. Something to think about I suppose as you’re praying. I don’t have any pat answers of course but know that God will lead you to say the right things that need saying.
Your daughter’s best interest are clearly being with the adoptive family. Don’t burn your bridges by continuing to be the victim and harassing the adoptive family. If you play it cool now and get your life in order, maybe you can meet her and/or be in her life later. You need to work on you or you’re no good to anyone. Aspergers aside, if I were the adoptive family, I wouldn’t want you anywhere near my daughter, given a lot of your rants and suicide talk on aspieweb. Give it a break and work on yourself. If you remain in this never-ending funk, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Its already been decided, I will never see my daughter. Fuck off
She may want to meet you some day. Get well in case that happens. Do you really still want to be wallowing in your own misery 20 years from now if she seeks you out? If that’s the case, she probably won’t be too keen on getting to know you. Only you have the power to ruin your whole life.
its already ruined