I was talking to a friend yesterday and it really dawned on me when they pointed out how abusive Kate has been to me. Kate has accused me of raping her, beating her, holding her hostage, got me involved in a war against her parents calling her parents abusive when there really just good parents. I’m starting to realise Katelyn is just plain and simple an abusive person, who lies, cheats, and steals. I could never trust her as another friend pointed out.
The fact remains I have a daughter I will never know, and that kills me inside. But I’m starting to realise I have a lot of good friends that want to help me through this situation.
Kate always used my Aspergers against me, telling me things like no one else would love me. God loves me, and to be honest Katelyn never showed me love or respect. I’m to be honest afraid that no one will love me, with my quirks and aspergers traits plus some more adult issues that come along with aspergers has me scared no one will love me.
Next weekend is going to be hard on me, our daughter is due, its valentines day, and it would be Kate and I’s one year aniversery. Keep me in your prayers.
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I don’t think that Katelyn intends to be abusive but her dishonesty?, particularly over the whole “rape” thing hasn’t done her any favours. Over the last six months or more, you’ve been so far from the “old Zach” and you’ve been so unhappy, that I think that you’re better off separated.
I’m glad that you’re coming to this realisation yourself. Only a couple of posts ago, you would have killed yourself for her. You can only ruin life by terminating it – any other mistakes can be corrected (or balanced out by new successes).
Life is a gift. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way but whenever you’re level-headed, the truth reveals itself.
zach, i read this with tears. i hv lost someone i love very much too. he isnt kate but he means a lot to me… i m sorry i hv no clever thing to say, i dont kw u, and i dont even kw how i can get thru each day except with a lot of determination and hope… a big cyberhug from aspie chick to aspie boy…
xo spunky xo
I wish Katelyn the best, but frankly I can no longer be torn up by her allegations of rape and crap. I hope to be good friends with her in the future, but frankly I don’t see how I tollerated it this long.
I was stupid.
You need a healthy relationship, and to feel good about yourself. I hope things get better for you.
please read this post and the comments when you have negative thoughts Zach. YOU wrote this- think of it as a letter to yourself on why you should stay in this world – you ARE worth it.
@Linda:
I still worry that no one will love me for who I am. I still suck my thumb, have issues with meltdowns, etc.
Zach, don’t think noone will love you. Loads of people with Aspergers have long and lasting marriages . You’ve had a terrible experience of love which you’ll need healing and recovery from , but the fact you loved through it all shows what a great person you are . Someone is going to see that and give you the love you deserve. I will pray to that end .and I’m so glad you have God in your life.
BTW, after what you’ve been through, its completely undestandable that you have had meltdowns, anyone would