I’m Angry

A friend encouraged me to come up with a list on why I’m so angry lately.  He also encouraged me to share it here hoping that Julia’s adoptive parents, Kate’s guardian, and her parents will read this and better be able to understand my perspective.  So here it goes

I’m Angry Because:

• I could not be there for Katelyn during the pregnancy.
• Julia’s adoptive parents believe I took advantage of Kate, and called her retarded.
• Kate and I still love each other and were unable to even communicate.
• My daughter was given a name without even my input, a name that gives me horrible memories.
• I will likely never see my daughter.
• I will likely never see Katelyn again.
• All the lies that Suzanne has told about me to keep me away from Kate.
• All the lies that Katelyn’s case manager is saying to keep me away from Kate.
• The fact that everyone just dismissed the pain I’m in and appears to not give a crap.
• The fact that there seems to be nothing I can do to change anything.
• Bethany Christian Services gave out my full name to the adoptive parents without my consent.  I feel very violated by this.

This is just a partial list, the more I type the more I start crying and I can’t finish it.  So If I’m angry, if I think about suicide a lot, if I’m a bit unstable so be it.  I’m not going to try and act like everything is okay anymore so people will think I’m stable.  I’m angry, I’m hurt and I have a right to be.  I’ve been treated like shit for so long, and at such an important time in my life thats its severely effected me and until some of this changes I’m going to be unstable, angry and hurt.  Nothing is going to change it.