I’ve lost my daughter, my lover, my best friend, my dog and so much more. I’ve been put in an adult foster care and assaulted by the staff. I’ll never know my daughter, not be there for Katelyn as she is going through labor, and I’ll never know love again – only pain.
My plans this weekend are to take a leave of absence from the adult foster care they put me in and end it. I have a stash of tricyclic anti-depressants to help me end it all. I know its not painful, and rather peaceful and quick.
I love you Kate, I love you my daughter, and I always will. Things have just made it to painful for me to go on without you two. Goodnight Katelyn, im going to a place where there is no pain
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Zach,
I know you don’t know me. My name is James. I live in Topeka, KS, and have taken an interest in reading you blog and keeping up on how you are doing. I work in computers, too, so I enjoy reading your posts in that area as well. I just wanted to share with you one of my life experiences I thought was applicable here.
In my brief time as a college student, I had a professor I became close with. I told him at one point I was certain my suicide would be coming up fast, and he let me know that he had attempted suicide when he was younger, and failed. But what he said that stuck with me was “Had I succeeded when I tried, I would have missed every single one of the most important moments of my life.” I reflect on that now when I get suicidal, thinking about what has happened between now and when I first had those serious thoughts of suicide. The ability of the universe to unfold in unforseen and inconceivable ways once all hope has been lost is simply astounding.
If you give the world a chance, you’ll be glad you did.
Feel free to email me.