So I have a dilemma right now, I really truly love Katelyn. I also know Katelyn really truly loves me. Katelyn and I made vows to each other before she moved in. We had planned on getting married with the whole public ceremony when her parents were more supportive as we knew it was important for them to be part of the ceremony. In my eyes, I see us as married. I know many people don’t and I understand there point of view. I also know the chances of Kate and I working this out with all the drama involved in our life is almost nil. I have really prayed about this and thought about this. If I saw myself dating anyone I would feel guilty as if I was cheating on the woman I truly love – Katelyn.
Many people think that Katelyn and I did these vows just to justify having sex. I can’t speak for Katelyn but for me that’s not true. I truly do love Katelyn, shes a very special woman to me. I married her for multiple reasons, but the main was so that she could attend school and get her diploma before time ran out.
So basically long story short my dilemma is am I really married to Katelyn or not? In my eyes I am, so I have no choice to remain faithful to the woman I love, even if it means being committed to her the rest of my life even though shes not there. I know the chances of Katelyn and I working out are slim to none, but I also know through God all things are possible.
I guess I’m seeking some input from others on this.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
for me zack i think that you could be right if u count the two of u as married then u are and if u made vows to each other even if it wasn’t infront of a preacher and god and it all depends on what it was that the vows were but if she breaks hers then it is allright for u to break urs. i thought that i would give u the input u need. take care. later
Hi Zach,
It comes entirely down to choice and commitment. Nobody will be down on you for either choice but personally, since as you say, there’s not much hope for you, IMHO, the best thing you could both do is move on.
If it’s meant to be then God will provide a way in his own good time. In the meantime, your first priority should be to heal – and I think you may need someone else to love in order to do that.
I have to respectfully disagree with Gavin on one minor point– you do not need someone else right now. You’re life is already complicated enough! I’ve noticed that men and women tend to jump from one relationship to another in order to heal. That isn’t exactly ideal. Because you still have all this “baggage” from a previous relationship and the pain that hasn’t yet healed… the new person will have to deal with all of that.
Now, as far as whether you and Kate are married… you do not, in my opinion, need an audience or a government piece of paper to tell you what is in your heart. It can be done between the two of you, under God, and be married. Quite simple.
However, I do agree that you need to live your life the way it is NOW and trust on God to bring Kate back into it if it is indeed meant to be. Maybe the other person you need to be loving right now is yourself. Work on things that you need to do (that fire academy thing for one) that are just for you, regardless of who is your mate in life and who isn’t.
Hope that helps!
If these vows count as getting married, then does the stuff you said in an earlier blog post you filed against Kate and (since you said you regretted not having Kate’s mom’s permission before you had sex with her) the stuff you said in that earlier blog post filed against her mom count as getting divorced?