And there is a big argument against suicide that goes beyond it being wrong. It would be a victory for Katelyn’s parents.

Calling your own suicide unselfish is one thing. Calling the rest of us selfish for not committing suicide too is another thing. If Julia makes to age 40 and still doesn’t want to kill herself, would that be unselfish of her?

No one can dictate that for life. I’ve watched time and time again people get reunited after I don’t know how many years.

Of course, it sucks that it will have to BE so many years until you can see her again. But it’s not false hope. It’s not.

love ur friend jean

I had just started reading your blog back before this post was written…. when you were contemplating the letter you would write to your daughter. I had left a comment there before reading this one where I talked about my deceased first husband.

He killed himself. At 38 years of age and left two wonderful boys behind and a wife who loved him like no other since even though we were estranged at the time of his death (his own choosing, that estrangement).

I should say he left three boys as he had a son with another woman during that time.

I won’t argue who is the selfish and who is not when it comes to suicide. You are absolutely right that you can make that choice. And no one can stop you should you decide that. There was NOTHING I could do to stop my husband from stepping in front of that train….

I have come to the point where I am somewhat accepting of the fact that it was HIS decision. I’m not sure suicide (although it is murder) is necessarily a sin. See, as you pointed out, it’s just another manner of death and who are we to know that God didn’t decide for my husband’s manner of death to be suicide.

Perhaps God did choose my husband’s manner of death for a reason. Maybe it was because one day I would be up late and browsing the internet for good reads and would come across this so I can tell you from first hand experience what your partner will feel when you are gone and what your daughter will feel when she finds out later in life as she searches for her birth father….

Once suicide is committed, as one of your friends pointed out here, there are no second chances. There aren’t any take backs. There isn’t any way to change your mind once you’re dead.

I am forever in pain and torment to this day since my husband’s choice. He killed himself May 26, 2006. I cannot foresee anytime in the future when I will not be in pain over it. Yes, I still remember the good times and the good things about him. But those memories are bittersweet for me as I watch our sons grow into young men and see what he is missing out on. Sure, he may be seeing it from heaven… but he cannot participate in any way.

I know that your daughter will be given up for adoption… I know that is the choice that was made for her. And so you may be thinking now “I won’t get to participate in her life anyway.” Well… can’t say for certain that is true. You nor I know what is down the road for either you, your partner or your daughter. Only God knows and I pray that you ask him for strength to get you through this time. I pray that you choose life.

After death, there are no more possibilities. After death there are no more chances of what could be. After death there is no more hope…. not for you, not for your partner and certainly not for your daughter.

My son, Thomas, was seven years old when his father committed suicide. He was told the manner of his father’s death by a well-meaning family member. Since that time, my son has had to deal with his own suicidal thoughts and attempts. True, he had them before his father happened along that path… but now he has an excuse of “Well, if he did it, so can I.” He is now 11… and has NOT had thoughts of suicide in about a year so there is hope for him… there are chances for him… and I wish his father could see the changes that are taking place for his son and what a miraculous thing that is and to be here to celebrate with us.

Your daughter is going to grow up. If she has any details of who you are, or where she was born, she’ll likely get curious and go looking for you. What will she find, Zach? Who will she find? She’ll want more answers than any letter can provide that you write now. She’ll want to reaffirm what was written while looking in your eyes, one day. Would you deny her that chance?

Think. Pray. I will pray for you.

ur friend jean vanness

If you want to take the bible literally, there’s about a million things you can do which are evil – stoning people because they practice palmistry etc. whatever mate.

Star Trek is OBVIOUSLY a great source of wisdom on the topic – after all they’re all REAL people aren’t they (sigh).

You’ve written your letters etc. Fine. Lets hope that Katelyn and Julia can find some peace in the thought that you took a few minutes out to write them a note before you decided to abandon them.

Yes – it’s selfish. Yes – it’s wrong. It’s your choice and nobody can stop you if you’re 100% serious and you take care not to get caught but personally, I think you want to get caught.

I think that at least part of you knows that it’s not the answer.

So… If it turns out that you’re right and Jesus is waiting for you at the other end, then he’ll probably tell you that you committed a cardinal sin and send you to purgatory for a long, long time (if he doesn’t just send you straight to hell) – and since both are about suffering and atonement, you can probably figure out how you’d be tortured.

If on the other hand, one of the other religions turns out to be right then you won’t get into heaven/nirvana (and you’ll certainly go to their equivalent of hell) – or maybe you’ll be sent back as an animal.

If it turns out the atheists were right, then you’ll get peace – but no second chances. Of course, you’ll leave behind a partner and a daughter who will be scarred for life by your choices.

Yes Zach… it IS selfish.