So I have been encouraged to write poetry about my feelings, and here is my first try.Yes, its about Kate. If I could talk to her this is what I would say:
I sit here lonely in the middle of the storm
I lay crying every night holding on to your shirt
trying to imagine you laying right at my side
I hope you do understand how much I hurt
Knowing our child is growing so fast
and not being able to be at your side
it hurts so much, I feel so numb
I want to be there, the tears I cannot hide
The pain is unbearable, I’ve started to cut
watching the blood flow our of my arm
along with the blood comes relief
It seems so bad, but it raises no alarm
I often sit here wondering where you are
I’m in the middle of this firestorm of lies and hate
I keep looking for my partner, the one I love
but shes fueling the fire, it makes me irate
I don’t see no point, no point to live
I’ve lost it all – the fire academy, my pet
my dignity and even my apartment
but my love for you I will not forget
Hoping you’ll say the truth, for the sake of
you, myself and the lovely new life
is what keeps me going through nights
hoping we will raise it together, you as my wife
I’ve lost many friends because I still love you
they say shes crazy, a psychoctic girl
But I still love you, your sweet, your kind
your beautiful and lovely much like pearl
I think back to my memories of you
all the memories, both good and bad
but I can’t remember the sound of you voice
I lay here crying, so miserable and sad
I can’t go on much longer like this
it hurts, its agonizing, its painful
the lies cut deeper into my heart
the end of me, is about to start
I want to keep fighting for us
You I, and the soon to be kid
but I can’t fight the web of lies myself
you lied, hurt me then ran and hid
Now I’m alone, in the firestorm of lies
fighting the lies, my partner left me behind
no way to keep going, i am so overwhelmed
the lies overtake me, killing my mind
I scream for help, you do not answer
I cry out, beg scream and plead
I can’t do this alone, its to much
please come help, come help me indeed
I need my partner, my best friend, my love
I cry out, searching and looking for you
you promised to never leave me behind
but you did, and I can not pursue
I miss Kate so much, and I forgive her and love her. I hope her and I will be able to come together, forgive each other and be excellent parents for our soon to be child.
