Why It Hurts

Quite a few people seem to be wondering why I’m hurting so much, and I thought I would give an answer.

I’m hurting so much because:

1. I may have lost the woman I love because I had a mental breakdown.
2. I will most likely never be part of our daughters life before its put up for adoption.
3. My mother is being so insensitive about the whole situation with Kate and the pregnancy talking about her rights as a grandmother and how she should be able to see Kate and the baby when I can’t do either.  I had to get rid of her for a while because it was driving me nuts.
4. I found out that the church I love is so hypocritical and that they abandoned me when I needed them most.
5. The pastor of the church attempted to steal my dog.
6. How Katelyn and I had plans for thanksgiving and the holidays and I was so looking forward to them, and now I can’t even see her.
7. How I behaved when I was not myself from being stressed out.
8. How so many people I call friends have abandoned me, when I need them most.
9. How much I hurt Katelyn when I was not myself.
10. How I still love her, and I have not talked to her in months.  I don’t even know if she still loves me or not.
11. How alone I am right now.
12. How much my relationship with God has been put on hold lately.
13. How angry I am with myself for hurting myself so much.

I could go on, but I think most of you get the point.  I’m really hurting a lot right now.